Tag: parenting Page 7 of 10

Mommy’s Denial About Her Weight Gain

On January 9, 2021

In 00 Newborn, Izzy's Stories, Under 1 Year Old

Is it me, or is Mommy… getting fat? As a two-year-old, the top of my head barely touches the bottom of her belly; I have to tilt my head backward when I stand in front of Mommy just to see her face.

Her belly is growing so big that I can’t even wrap my arms around her waist anymore when we hug.

It has been even more frustrating in the last few months. She stopped picking me up, claiming that her back hurts. We don’t play tag anymore because she waddles too slowly. She also stopped going on bike rides with Daddy and me.

This weight gain is getting a little ridiculous. Ok, so, how should I tell Mommy nicely that she should consider losing weight? Hmm. Maybe I’ll say,

“Your clothes are getting a little tight; should you lose a few pounds?”

Nah, too straightforward. What about I can tell her during dinner, “are you sure you want a second helping?” or “perhaps you should just eat salad tonight.” Ugh, there’s no easy way.

It also doesn’t help that she’s in denial of her weight gain.

She often points at her belly and says there’s a baby inside of her. Sometimes, she’ll even ask me to kiss the baby. Unsure of where to kiss, since I haven’t seen this “so-called baby,” I would kiss her belly instead. I always get rewarded with “aww, you’re a good girl,” so that’s the right place?

But c’mon. Anyone knows a baby can’t fit in there!

Why would a baby want to hide in a human body? On second thought, maybe the baby is playing hide and seek with me? What a genius! That’s the best place to hide! Where’s the opening?

The Teeth Acquiring Ceremony

By Izzy Tornado

On January 2, 2021

In 08 Months Old, Izzy's Stories, Under 1 Year Old

At 8-months-old, I can finally mark my territory with my army of four teeth. Lesson learned: bite everything except for self. I bit my fingers, forgetting I just got the big front tooth, and those chompers hurt! Imagine what I can do when I have ALL my teeth?! Or the better question is, what can I NOT do?

I need to find more teeth. Pronto.

It is not like they are buried in the ground, and I just have to dig for them. The only way to get them is through the teeth acquiring ceremony. It is usually a pretty rough process. Every few weeks, they will appear out of nowhere after sacrificing my well-being, including loss of appetite and lack of sleep. A warm headache frequently occurs as well – the parents called it a “fever.” They’ll stick a machine in my ears every few hours, exclaiming a number. I’m assuming the higher the number, the more likely the tooth is arriving.

No pain, no gain – after 2-3 days of sacrifice, my gums will itch, and I’ll become a drooling zombie.

Usually, popping a chew toy in my mouth to gnaw at the sore spot will speed up the progress. Sometimes, I cry out in frustration; patience is not a virtue that comes pre-packaged for a baby. After what feels like an eternity, I can feel the head of the teeth peeping out of the gums’ its edges scraping on my delicate tongue. Finally, I’ll get my reward!

I can’t wait to expand my territory with my unlimited saliva supply and strong, sharp teeth.

So far, I have acquired a doll, broccoli stalks, and Mommy’s arms.

A Cotton Candy Christmas

By Izzy Tornado

On December 26, 2020

In 01 Year Old, 15 Months Old, Izzy's Stories

Now I know why everyone is excited about a White Christmas. I mean, who wouldn’t want an unlimited supply of cotton candy falling from the sky? Imagine sitting outside with your tongue out. I can just taste the sweetness as it melts in my mouth mmhmm.

I experienced this magical event at one year old when I watched the fluffy delicacy fall from the sky, scattering over my grandparents’ backyard.

It started growing thicker every hour as if weaving glistening blankets over the tractors to keep them warm. My favorite part is feeling the crunch as the cotton candy flattens underneath my palms and watching it slowly melt on my mittens. After ten or so handprints, I have finally made enough dents to see the green underneath the white sheets.

Then, I witnessed something even more magical.

At the corner of my eyes, I saw a white blob running out of the shed. Then it meowed. It was as if a big (very big), round, fluffy cotton candy fell from the sky and swallowed a cat whole, leaving only its eyes, mouth, and nose exposed. I tried to get closer, but its pointy ears perked up and ran away.

The next day, I found it licking its paws, camouflaged in the bed of cotton candy on the trailer.

It carefully tiptoed towards my Grandpa and rubbed against his right leg. I was hanging onto his other leg for stability since I just learned how to walk. “Oh, hey there, Pretty Lady,” said Grandpa. So it has a name!

My temptations overpowered my body, and I lunged forward, grabbing hold of Pretty Lady.

I wanted to taste her coat of cotton candy, thinking it must be sweeter. I quickly shoved a fistful in my mouth. How disappointing! It was not sweet nor sticky; it … tastes hairy and bland. Yuck. I immediately let go, and Pretty Lady ran away again.

Do yourself a favor and dress up your cat in cotton candy during Christmas (but don’t try to eat it). Only then would you have experienced a real white Christmas.

My Teeth Brushing Partner – Mr. Dino T-Rex

By Izzy Tornado

On December 19, 2020

In 02 Years Old, Izzy's Stories

I always wondered, we take baths and wash every part of our body, but… why stop at only brushing our teeth? I mean, what about the tongue, back of the throat, and in the ears? Those are pretty essential body parts, and

it is my duty as a two-year-old to teach my parents how to clean correctly.

Mr. Dino T-Rex agreed to help me and proved to be a great brushing partner. Every night, he waits for me at the brushing station with his toothbrush leaning on his short little arms. I made sure Mommy watched as I pushed a button, and he opened his mouth wide open. I brushed the back of his throat, the tongue, the top row of teeth, then the bottom, and finally his chin.

Sometimes he likes to have his toes cleaned too.

All clean! I gave Mommy a wide grin. Now, mommy’s turn as I start grabbing for her toothbrush.

Are Babies Evil?

By Izzy Tornado

On December 12, 2020

In 09 Months Old, Under 1 Year Old

“Wahahaha,” I exclaimed as Daddy hit his head on the wall. He laid on the floor for a brief moment and looked at me with a big smile on his face. Then he got up and rammed his head against the wall again, this time screaming, “Boing!”

“Wahahaha,” I chuckled harder.

While trying to catch my breath, Mommy joined the circus. Daddy threw a big red yoga ball at her. Even though the ball missed her, she fell on the floor on all fours. Does Daddy know how to airbend? “Wahahahahha,” I laughed harder this time as she rolled around, my vision blurry as tears formed in my eyes.

Why does seeing other people get hurt make me laugh hysterically?

But the more important question is, why are the parents addicted to hurting themselves? This is insane! I wonder if there is a limit to what they would do…