Short stories with a comical twist on the daily obstacles, aka adventures, of parenthood

Tag: parenting style Page 4 of 10

Born on the Day the World Will End

Week 2 in the Womb

When I hired this family two weeks ago, I didn’t expect that the new kid, Pandemic, would ruin all my plans. It was already a lot of pressure as the second born. Not only do I have to live up to the high standards that my sister, Izzy, placed, I also have to fulfill all of Mommy’s desires – to be a chubby, scrumptious and drama-free baby.

Unlike Izzy, who tried to attain Nirvana in the womb, my main goal is to survive the next eight months as Mommy’s worries about the Pandemic spread like wildfire: What will the world be like in 9 months? Will doctors and nurses turn into zombies? The world is coming to an end, and I am having a baby.

Month 4 in the Womb

Mommy’s imagination parades the dark womb daily: Will the hospitals have so many patients due to the Pandemic that they won’t have room for us? Should I start hoarding first aid supplies? She asks these questions while having nightmares of giving birth in a dark, empty alley next to the hospital, her screams of pain lost in the sirens on the streets as people fight over the remaining food and water.

The unknown is dark and unforgiving, eating our tender bodies slowly. I feel the sharp pain that runs up and down Mommy’s spine every time she tries to walk. I feel the shudder as she lets out a loud yelp and limps to the wall, clinging on for dear life. I sense Daddy’s helping hands as he lifts her and lays her down on the bed.

I know that I have to give Mommy hope and love. I stretched my arms and legs, practicing my kicks for the real world, letting her know that I am strong and will protect her. I can’t wait to hug her.

catwalk in the airplane

My Exclusive Catwalk on the Plane

Daycare is my second home, and the airport is my third since we traveled almost every month. Although my first flight was very stressful, traveling is now dull. I mean, after my 30-hour flight to China at 2-months-old, all the other flights this year are just trivial (ex: Denver, Nebraska, New York, various cities in Texas).

Now at 8-months-old and finally able to waddle, I just put on my butterfly leash and let Mommy chase me as I roam around the airport, looking for my buddies.

First, we say “hi” to the nice lady at the counter that gives us the tickets when we check our bags. Then I look for my favorite escalator and ride it a few times. We would wave goodbye to the enormous white spacesuit before getting in the short security line. The security guys at the beeping monitors always smile at us when we flash our IDs. Just a pro-tip – don’t get on the long security line. It is endless. Every time we go on a trip, there are always people on that line. Finally, we would wait in the big auditorium before boarding the plane.

The plane, my friend, is where I shine.

With the rows of seats on both sides decorated with luggage compartments looming overhead, a natural stage emerges. After we take off, my exit strategy from Daddy’s lap is to squirm and wriggle so much that he gives in. Mommy then puts on my favorite shoe, and I practice my smiles before our catwalk down the aisle.

I would patiently stand in the aisle until the passengers sitting in the nearest row stop what they are doing to look at me. After studying each person individually, I would graciously present a slight wave and a bright smile. Then move on to greet the next row of passengers, leaving behind a synonymous “aww.” By the time I reach the end (or beginning) of the plane, I would make my way up again to give them another dose of adrenaline.

People always say, “it’s not the destination that matters; it’s the experience and people you are with.”

I try to make these passengers’ trips as meaningful as possible by entertaining them multiple times on every flight. Be assured that if you are traveling on my plane, the catwalk comes as part of the package with no additional fee, just like the flight attendants. Although the travelers always vary (or perhaps I saw that purple hair dude with a red dress before), you would not believe how many people choose to ride my plane just to see me. I hope these catwalks pay for the airplane tickets.

I Want A Vibrating Cat Costume

I Want A Vibrating Cat Costume

I need a fur coat costume just like the baby that visits us every morning. He gets to be outside ALL THE TIME; the outfit gives him superpowers that repel mosquitoes and the Texas heat, the two reasons why Mommy and I are always stuck indoors. We call him “Meow-Meow,” which is his favorite phrase.

I like his entire costume – from his perky ears to his soft padded paws and cute twitching whiskers to his long, curly grey tail.

I tried to snatch his tail once since I don’t have any, but he did not like that. He jumped away and stared at me from the edge of the patio with his yellow beady eyes. Apparently, he doesn’t like to share.

Meow-Meow is always hungry when he drops by. Still learning to hold a cup at 8-month-old, it was challenging to scoop his crunchy cereal from the box, but I managed to do it every day, just for him. It just takes me a while to get his plate ready.

And, man, is he impatient. He would claw at the window until his favorite cereal is prepared.

Although, he needs his taste buds checked out. The cereal may look colorful but tastes like overcooked, sandy cardboard mixed with thousand-year-old fish – not to be confused with thousand-year-old egg because that’s delicious.

It is fascinating watching Meow-Meow eat off the plate on the floor a foot away from us – so close, yet so far. He would hunch down on all fours with his neck extended, head dipped low, and lick his cereal, all the while carefully analyzing Mommy and me from the corner of his eyes.

Did he think I was going to snatch his whiskers? … Guilty as charged.

Lucky for him, he has a lot of teeth, unlike me. His teeth would chomp wildly at the cereal, crushing them into pieces with small bits escaping from his lips. I am still perplexed at his ability to swallow the dry cereal without milk. However, the most captivating part of this whole process is when he starts enjoying the meal, and a series of purrs vibrate from his belly. An orchestra of licks, purrs, and crunches then fills the air, paired with his occasional gasp for breath and dips in his water bowl. Both Mommy and I are mesmerized by his mini “thank you” concert. Yet, I wonder – where does he hide the purring generator? This is indeed the most awesome costume!

The Rolling R Gene

“Rrrrrr,” I growled in disapproval.
“She’s only 8-months-old. Did she just rolled an R?” Mommy asked, turning to Daddy in disbelief.
“I think she’s cursing at us in baby language,” Daddy replied. He had a big smile on his face as he rolled his R back at me, “Rrrrrrr.”
I looked at him, surprised. How dare you say I’m not pretty!? “Rrrrr, Werc#@423 Rrrrr xweDSFRWerrrrrrrr,” I exclaimed back.
Mommy attempted to roll an R but only end up just spitting at me. “Not fair! I can’t do it!” she sputtered sadly.
Daddy and I rolled R’s back and forth a few times until I finally giggled. What was I mad about again?

Covid-19 and His Baby Sister “Vaccine”

There is a new kid on the block called “Covid-19”; he is from the Pandemic family. He is so famous that everyone, even the news lady from Sunday Morning, talks about him – she said some of the bars and restaurants had to close down due to Covid-19.

Can you imagine how much one would have to eat to close an entire restaurant!?

My 2-years-old belly gets full from just eating a tiny cup of mac and cheese.

Mommy also said we couldn’t go to the park anymore because of the Pandemic as well. This family is so wealthy, they bought our neighborhood parks and didn’t want to share! What used to be daily evening walks to the park became just running in circles on the lawn. Occasionally, Mommy and I would go park hopping, where we drive around town trying to find an empty park to play in.

However, I admire Covid-19’s passion for education.

He loves school so much that he bought all of them as well. As a result, the other students have to take virtual classes at home. Come to think of it; maybe Covid-19 stinks!? Perhaps he is embarrassed about his body odor and bought the schools to prevent other kids from knowing this secret. And he somehow convinced the governor to mandate masks covering our noses and mouths when we leave our home.

Poor kid. He has so much power, yet he doesn’t have any friends.

Luckily, the news lady said there would be a “Vaccine” for Covid-19 soon. Such a beautiful name – baby Vaccine will be joining the Pandemic family! I hope Vaccine and I can be best friends one day. If the body odor is a genetic issue, I can just wear my blue mask, an accessory that Daddy says makes me look like a “Little Hannibal,” whatever that means.

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