Short stories with a comical twist on the daily obstacles, aka adventures, of parenthood

Tag: 2 years old

Attack of the Naughty Crocodile

“Wroar!” The booming roar escaped my lungs as I held my baby crocodile. I am the most powerful two-year-old! 

“Are you excited to see crocodiles at the park today?” Mommy asks, peering at me in the rearview mirror.

“Yes!” I eagerly reply as the crocodile swims in the air. 

After a long time, we finally arrived at the crocodile park. I quickly scan the perimeter; there is a giant crocodile painting on the wall but no real crocodiles. 

Please don’t tell me this is it, as tears form in my eyes.

“Please come to the waiting area for your crocodile tour,” someone bellows in the overhead speakers. The tears disappeared as quickly as they came. Mommy holds my hand as we walk towards the door, passing a litter of pigs.

Kids are standing on a deck, looking through a fence. My head turns towards their gaze. There is a small lake to the left of the swamp; two giant crocodiles are waiting in the shallow water. The tour guide walks towards the lake with a stick clamping onto a piece of raw chicken. 

“Honey, come over,” he shouts.

He waves the stick above the massive crocodiles’ heads. One of them jumps onto shore, its short, strong legs digging into the ground while it arches its upper body up, mouth wide open, reaching for the chicken. That one must be Honey. 

“Come here, girl,” the tour guide says calmly, luring Honey closer to the fence where I was standing. The crocodile snaps at the tour guide’s legs. Luckily, he jumps back just in time. “No chicken for you,” the tour guide puts the chicken into a bucket and pokes the empty stick on the crocodile’s back, pushing it into the water. 

Out of nowhere, I hear a big splash behind me and then a bellowing hiss.

I turn around and found another crocodile against the fence, trying to reach the deck. 

“Down!” I screamed while the other kids hid behind me. My fingers point to the ground.

“Get down!” I confidently shout—the crocodile retreat into the water, its beady eyes peering slightly above the surface. 

“Down!” I stomp my feet while the crocodile continues to glare at me. No chicken for you if you don’t behave.

“Good job, Izzy,” Mommy says proudly. “You are so brave!”

See! I AM the most powerful! As we enjoy the rest of the tour, I search the perimeter for more naughty crocodiles.

NOTE: After the 1.5-hour tour, we sat by the resting area as they passed around baby crocodiles, lizards, and snakes. Izzy was screaming in terror and refused to touch them. I guess she can only handle adult crocodiles!

Flossing is More Fun

Ever since 10-months-old, the Parents misused my uncontrollable laughter when being tickled to brush my teeth. With my mouth wide open, Mommy would sneak in and scrub my mere six teeth so hard that she might as well sand wood.

Why do they make such a big deal about brushing teeth anyway? I’m a baby! Can’t we afford to buy a new set of teeth?

So let them rot. Let me floss instead!

Finally, we made a deal – I will brush my teeth if I can floss afterwards.

I can still remember my first successful flossing attempt.

As usual, I ran to the brushing station and pointed at the three glistening toothbrushes on the counter, shouting, “Mama, Dada, Me!” As if they have woken from a spell, they floated towards my command with Mommy’s help.

After gnawing at my toothbrush, I carefully picked up a floss pick and watched Mommy closely as she puts one in her mouth, all the while looking at the mirror.

I took a deep breath and attempted to do the same.

Nope, the floss is lying flat; it needed to be upright.

Nope, I missed my mouth entirely.

Argh! Why did she make it look so easy?

Unlike the previous nights, I refused to give up.

Nope, too far to the right. What is wrong with my clumsy fingers? How is it that when I moved my hand one way but the hand in the mirror moves the other, aren’t they supposed to like… mirror?

Pluck.

The sound vibrated in my mouth. Ahha! The floss pick string is in between my teeth. It may have taken a total of 248 attempts during my short lifetime, but I finally got it!

“Good job, Izzy. Look, Daddy. She’s flossing!”

I proudly smiled at the latest accessory in my mouth, the green pick dangling over my lips as if, it too, is having a victory dance.

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