Short stories with a comical twist on the daily obstacles, aka adventures, of parenthood

Tag: mask

Born on the Day the World Will End

Week 2 in the Womb

When I hired this family two weeks ago, I didn’t expect that the new kid, Pandemic, would ruin all my plans. It was already a lot of pressure as the second born. Not only do I have to live up to the high standards that my sister, Izzy, placed, I also have to fulfill all of Mommy’s desires – to be a chubby, scrumptious and drama-free baby.

Unlike Izzy, who tried to attain Nirvana in the womb, my main goal is to survive the next eight months as Mommy’s worries about the Pandemic spread like wildfire: What will the world be like in 9 months? Will doctors and nurses turn into zombies? The world is coming to an end, and I am having a baby.

Month 4 in the Womb

Mommy’s imagination parades the dark womb daily: Will the hospitals have so many patients due to the Pandemic that they won’t have room for us? Should I start hoarding first aid supplies? She asks these questions while having nightmares of giving birth in a dark, empty alley next to the hospital, her screams of pain lost in the sirens on the streets as people fight over the remaining food and water.

The unknown is dark and unforgiving, eating our tender bodies slowly. I feel the sharp pain that runs up and down Mommy’s spine every time she tries to walk. I feel the shudder as she lets out a loud yelp and limps to the wall, clinging on for dear life. I sense Daddy’s helping hands as he lifts her and lays her down on the bed.

I know that I have to give Mommy hope and love. I stretched my arms and legs, practicing my kicks for the real world, letting her know that I am strong and will protect her. I can’t wait to hug her.

Covid-19 and His Baby Sister “Vaccine”

There is a new kid on the block called “Covid-19”; he is from the Pandemic family. He is so famous that everyone, even the news lady from Sunday Morning, talks about him – she said some of the bars and restaurants had to close down due to Covid-19.

Can you imagine how much one would have to eat to close an entire restaurant!?

My 2-years-old belly gets full from just eating a tiny cup of mac and cheese.

Mommy also said we couldn’t go to the park anymore because of the Pandemic as well. This family is so wealthy, they bought our neighborhood parks and didn’t want to share! What used to be daily evening walks to the park became just running in circles on the lawn. Occasionally, Mommy and I would go park hopping, where we drive around town trying to find an empty park to play in.

However, I admire Covid-19’s passion for education.

He loves school so much that he bought all of them as well. As a result, the other students have to take virtual classes at home. Come to think of it; maybe Covid-19 stinks!? Perhaps he is embarrassed about his body odor and bought the schools to prevent other kids from knowing this secret. And he somehow convinced the governor to mandate masks covering our noses and mouths when we leave our home.

Poor kid. He has so much power, yet he doesn’t have any friends.

Luckily, the news lady said there would be a “Vaccine” for Covid-19 soon. Such a beautiful name – baby Vaccine will be joining the Pandemic family! I hope Vaccine and I can be best friends one day. If the body odor is a genetic issue, I can just wear my blue mask, an accessory that Daddy says makes me look like a “Little Hannibal,” whatever that means.

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