Short stories with a comical twist on the daily obstacles, aka adventures, of parenthood

Tag: 02 years old

Covid-19 and His Baby Sister “Vaccine”

There is a new kid on the block called “Covid-19”; he is from the Pandemic family. He is so famous that everyone, even the news lady from Sunday Morning, talks about him – she said some of the bars and restaurants had to close down due to Covid-19.

Can you imagine how much one would have to eat to close an entire restaurant!?

My 2-years-old belly gets full from just eating a tiny cup of mac and cheese.

Mommy also said we couldn’t go to the park anymore because of the Pandemic as well. This family is so wealthy, they bought our neighborhood parks and didn’t want to share! What used to be daily evening walks to the park became just running in circles on the lawn. Occasionally, Mommy and I would go park hopping, where we drive around town trying to find an empty park to play in.

However, I admire Covid-19’s passion for education.

He loves school so much that he bought all of them as well. As a result, the other students have to take virtual classes at home. Come to think of it; maybe Covid-19 stinks!? Perhaps he is embarrassed about his body odor and bought the schools to prevent other kids from knowing this secret. And he somehow convinced the governor to mandate masks covering our noses and mouths when we leave our home.

Poor kid. He has so much power, yet he doesn’t have any friends.

Luckily, the news lady said there would be a “Vaccine” for Covid-19 soon. Such a beautiful name – baby Vaccine will be joining the Pandemic family! I hope Vaccine and I can be best friends one day. If the body odor is a genetic issue, I can just wear my blue mask, an accessory that Daddy says makes me look like a “Little Hannibal,” whatever that means.

My Teeth Brushing Partner – Mr. Dino T-Rex

I always wondered, we take baths and wash every part of our body, but… why stop at only brushing our teeth? I mean, what about the tongue, back of the throat, and in the ears? Those are pretty essential body parts, and

it is my duty as a two-year-old to teach my parents how to clean correctly.

Mr. Dino T-Rex agreed to help me and proved to be a great brushing partner. Every night, he waits for me at the brushing station with his toothbrush leaning on his short little arms. I made sure Mommy watched as I pushed a button, and he opened his mouth wide open. I brushed the back of his throat, the tongue, the top row of teeth, then the bottom, and finally his chin.

Sometimes he likes to have his toes cleaned too.

All clean! I gave Mommy a wide grin. Now, mommy’s turn as I start grabbing for her toothbrush.

Beware of Pacifier Burglars

Having never been dependent on fake boobs as a newborn, I always pushed the pacifier out with my tongue – it was just not natural, you know? It doesn’t taste exceptionally good (nor bad), it doesn’t have milk – it doesn’t do anything! What’s the point? However, after a few weeks, I realized having something to suck on was not bad after all, and I became fond of it.

Sometimes, I even close my eyes, imagining guzzling down an unlimited stream of milk.

Fast forward two years later. The day started as usual – I showed the parents how to pull the pillows and covers off the bed when they woke up, but they are so stubborn! They kept picking them back up.

I jumped on the bed as usual, but this time, I tripped over a pillow and hit the footboard – headfirst.

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I screamed in pain. Blood flooded my mouth while Daddy inspected my chin, lips, and mouth. He mumbled about pacifiers and a loose front tooth, and then Mommy scurried away.

Oh, the horrors I had to bear that day.

Every sip of water sent shockwaves up my head. Even eating my favorite bowl of soft mac and cheese was painful. As if that wasn’t bad enough, all the pacifiers disappeared; it was as if they grew legs and fled the crime scene. I couldn’t find them in the kitchen cabinets and dishwasher, not even the secret stash underneath the crib.

They didn’t even let me suck goodbye.

All I did was jump on the bed – why did they take off? Have I not been punished enough already?

These heartless parents – they didn’t even try to help me look for them during bedtime. After three hours of outcry, they finally turned on one of my favorite cartoons at 1 AM to distract me – it worked. I was halfway through the second episode when I fell asleep snuggling in between the parents.

It took four days to accept my fate that I will never get to see my beloved pacifiers again.

I hope that they are having a good time, wherever they have gone.

A few days later, I overheard Daddy telling his friends about “taking away the pacifier cold turkey.” Did a cold turkey steal my pacifiers? Talk about the worst day of my life.

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