Category: 03 Months Old

Warning: Please take the lesson after a nap but before a feeding. Otherwise, expect to change your outfit due to spit up.

Welcome to the beginner class for babies under three months old. All the positions will require you to lay on your back. Alternatively, you can also take the intermediate exercise program.
Warning: Please take the lesson after a nap but before a feeding. Otherwise, expect to change your outfit due to spit up.

Let’s get started!

To warm up, let’s start with a BIG stretch while laying on your back.
Extend those legs, now raise your arms above your head
Let out a loud yelp to alert the caretakers that you are up.
If you can, arch your back – this is a good technique to wiggle out of your caretaker’ss arms.

Okay, relax those muscles.
Kick your legs as fast as you can as if you are running a marathon in the air, work those glutes! This is good practice for rib kicking.
Add some momentum by flailing your arms.
Remember, you are working for an appetite, so cry for your milk! Wahh!
Let’s do that a few more reps. 3. 2. 1.

Okay, stop. Take a break. Let the environment sink in.
Turn your head to the left.
Now turn to your right.
Keep turning your head faster.
Remember, if you do this daily, the bald patch on the back of your head is your badge of success and endurance. So keep going faster!
Are the caretakers still not here yet?
Let out a loud, ear-piercing scream. Exercise your lungs!

Very good, babies! At this point, you should be panting, exhausted from crying, and very hungry.

Thank you for joining Dora’s 5 Min Full Body Exercise Program.

We hope to see you in 2 hours to continue staying AAA certified – an admirable, adorable, and advanced baby. In the meantime, remember to stay hydrated with enriched protein milk.

Fresh Milk Extraction

By Izzy Tornado

On December 5, 2020

In 03 Months Old, Izzy's Stories, Under 1 Year Old

There is something about warm fresh milk from the bosom that makes all the worries of a 3-month-old go away. Like, what am I supposed to do with all the colors when I was used to only seeing shades of black and white? Or the giant monster constantly circling above me called a “fan”? This is a scary world. Even when I screamed at the top of my lungs to put me back into the womb, no one listens. So my only relaxing mechanism is getting fed – every 2 hours. Shout out to “Breast is Best”.

Just the smell of my mother (or her breast milk) makes me drool – no wonder why they called it liquid gold.

But it is a lot of effort to extract my meal. Do you know how hard it is to learn to lick, latch, and suck a milk guzzler at just a few minutes old? I had to use my small little mouth to hang on to that stub.

Then extract milk midair in an awkward position for another 15-30 minutes.

Sometimes when I do latch properly, my little nostril will be clogged by the breast the size of my head. Luckily, a hand always magically appears to press against it so I can breathe easier. Finally, after a few weeks of struggling, I opted for the bottle. Mother expresses it, and the extra gets stored away to age like fine wine. Work smart, not hard – you know what I mean?

Of course, nothing is free in this world; we have an unspoken quid pro quo.

As long as Mother provides a warm meal, I will reward her with my most precious creation, usually once a day. She is always thrilled when I gift her a fresh nugget and kisses me after putting a checkmark on her list.

Is she counting how many nuggets I’m giving her to make sure it’s a fair exchange?

I never got a chance to ask as I get ready to clock out with my full belly. I curled my lips up in satisfaction, falling fast asleep to the thought of my next meal.

Hot Potato had a Fever

By Izzy Tornado

On October 17, 2020

In 03 Months Old, Izzy's Stories, Under 1 Year Old

It is 4 AM, and I stink. Mommy passed me to daddy as she ran away, coughing into her elbow. “Paci!” he screamed. Yes! I want that, maybe that’ll help with the burning sensation all over my body. Mommy ran back and tried to stuff the paci into his mouth. No! Wrong person! I wailed louder. As daddy put the paci in my mouth, the parents looked at each other and laughed deliriously from the lack of sleep, their voices echoed down the hallway and back.

“Hot potato coming through!” daddy said as he passed me back to mommy and ran away for his coughing break.

Guys! Stop fighting for a chance to hold me; now is not the time to demonstrate your love. My body feels like it is on fire, my head is aching – stop moving me around!

“Time for another dose,” says daddy as he came back with a syringe. The sticky cherry syrup drizzled down my chin. He then gave me a bottle of milk, the warm liquid smoothly flowed down my throat. Waking up every hour (instead of every 2 hours like usual) with a high fever is making me hungry.

After I finished my meal, the fluid uncontrollably started bubbling in my tummy, like a volcano about to erupt.

It burnt my esophagus on its way up, and I sputtered the mix of cherry-flavored milk acid over my shirt, floor, and the parents. Ugh. Not again! It had been hard for my 3-month old body to keep anything down these days. Whatever you do, mommy, don’t bathe me nor change my clothes – I am well aware that I stink.

At this point, just let me swim in sour milk curds; I am too tired.

As if she could read my mind, I felt a wet towel wiping my face, chin, ears, and body – the cooling sensation felt good on my burning skin. I caught a glimpse of mommy – her eyes barely opened, the deep dark circles and the wrinkles under her eyelids made her look older – what happened to her? I drift to sleep, thinking about mold growing on the sour milk by tomorrow morning.

Short stories with a comical twist on the daily obstacles, aka adventures, of parenthood

Category: 03 Months Old

Welcome to Dora’s 5 Min Full Body Exercise Program

Fresh Milk Extraction

Hot Potato had a Fever