Short stories with a comical twist on the daily obstacles, aka adventures, of parenthood

Tag: hungry

The Side Kicking Baby

Kick kick kick.
Wake up! Wake up! It is 2 AM. I’m hungry!
The lifeless body didn’t budge.

Kick kick kick.
Swinging my arms around, I tried to pivot on my back towards Mommy lying next to me.
At two-months-old, moving for any distance is a challenge.

Kick kick kick.
Oh, I just kicked something.
Most likely the hip.

Kick kick kick.
As if jumping on a sideways trampoline, I pushed hard on the rib cage.
She stirred.

A second later, fingers started feeling around my face.
No dummy! I want milk, not a face massage.
“Wahhh!”

The fingers found the pacifier buried in my neck and shoved it back in my mouth.
I closed my eyes.
Satisfied.

Suck suck suck.
When is the milk coming?

Suck suck suck.
You tricked me!

Kick kick kick.
Time to feed me.
The pacifier fell out of my mouth as I started wailing.

“Okay, okay, I’m up,” still half-asleep, Mommy got off the bed and turned on the light.

I only have to kick her 15 times tonight before getting a response. Perhaps Daddy will do better when he takes the next shift.

Baby’s VIP Dining Experience

Below is a conversation between Daddy and the 1-Month-Old Hurricane Dora before breakfast.

Baby: Waah (whimpering)

Daddy: Welcome to Mommy Cafe. Did you make a reservation today?

Baby: Waaahhh (cries – level 1)

Daddy: I will put you on the waiting list. The head chef will be here shortly (Mommy is in the restroom)

Baby: Wah Waaahhh (louder cries – level 2)

Daddy: Yes, she is coming. Your meal will be ready soon. Today, we are serving the finest liquid gold with a hint of aged steak and baked asparagus.

Baby: Wah Wahhh Waaahhh (fist-fighting and screams – level 3)

Daddy: I know, it’s taking a little longer. There is no need to get physical. Yes, you are speaking to the head manager. Your complaint has been noted.

Baby: Wah Argh Wahhh Argh Waaahhh (kicking and high pitch screams – level 4)

(Mommy sat down on the rocking chair and getting ready to nurse)

Daddy: The head chef is ready. We have a mandatory dress code. Here is your bib before your meal. Enjoy (Daddy handed the Baby to Mommy)

Baby: Humph, humph (catching her breath while drinking large gulps of milk)

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