Kick kick kick. Wake up! Wake up! It is 2 AM. I’m hungry! The lifeless body didn’t budge.
Kick kick kick. Swinging my arms around, I tried to pivot on my back towards Mommy lying next to me. At two-months-old, moving for any distance is a challenge.
Kick kick kick. Oh, I just kicked something. Most likely the hip.
Kick kick kick. As if jumping on a sideways trampoline, I pushed hard on the rib cage. She stirred.
A second later, fingers started feeling around my face. No dummy! I want milk, not a face massage. “Wahhh!”
The fingers found the pacifier buried in my neck and shoved it back in my mouth. I closed my eyes. Satisfied.
Suck suck suck. When is the milk coming?
Suck suck suck. You tricked me!
Kick kick kick. Time to feed me. The pacifier fell out of my mouth as I started wailing.
“Okay, okay, I’m up,” still half-asleep, Mommy got off the bed and turned on the light.
I only have to kick her 15 times tonight before getting a response. Perhaps Daddy will do better when he takes the next shift.
Calm down, Parents! It has only been five days since my last bowel movement. I can handle this. I let out a grunt as they pump my legs and massage my belly on the changing table.
“Looks like we don’t have a choice; her stomach is bulging. Let’s get the suppository ready,” said Daddy grimly.
“But she’s only 2-months-old,” Mommy murmured.
Wait, what’s a s..s…s.. sup…tory?
Mommy held a small, white container and a few towels in her hand while Daddy started taking off my diaper. She handed a clear, short rod to Daddy. Okay… this does not seem like my usual diaper change. Can anyone tell me what’s going on?!
They both took a deep breath. I, on the other hand, held my breath as something tickled my butt.
I exhaled as it glides in my butthole.
Ah! It is going to eat me from the inside out! I squeeze my butt muscles, plop, it slid out. I have to get away before it comes back. As if running a marathon, I quickly kicked my legs up and down. Unfortunately, it is a futile effort as I am still on my back.
Mommy grabbed my legs. “You’re okay, Dora,” she gently kissed my forehead as I felt that thing crawling in my butthole again. I squeezed my butt muscles. This time, it stays put… inside. I glanced at Mommy, then at Daddy.
Their concerned expressions matched mine; we were all waiting for someone to make the next move.
After a few moments, I felt a rumble. Then, as if the floodgates opened down there, I unconsciously contracted my abs and pushed. Hard.
“I need wipes, quick!” exclaimed Daddy as I felt the pressure slowly dissipating in my stomach. While the Parents frantically wipe my bottom, I pushed again. It was so satisfying, like squeezing toothpaste.
Let’s make this more fun.
I tilt my head slightly to get a glimpse over my knees, and as if aiming with a water gun, I let out a final push.
Splat. “It’s on the wipes dispenser!” both Parents yelped this time. Aww, man, that is only a foot away. I was hoping it would hit the crib across the room. As Daddy bundled me up to get ready for a nice, warm bath, I saw the traces left behind on the changing table, clothes, and lotion bottle. My first masterpiece.
Update one month later:
I am proud to announce that I had gone up to eight days straight without having a bowel movement AND the doctor said it is normal. Finally, after five more unsuccessful opportunities to aim at the crib, the parents dropped the suppository method and gave me a few drops of prune juice every day instead. It was pretty effective, just not as fun.
